i can’t be friends with you

For once, the lyrics I’m listening to actually match what I’m trying to write.

I don’t know if I talked about her before, though I’m at least 67% sure that I have. She’s part of my life and has been multiple turning points.

One of the many things I hate about her is that she is too stubborn and refuses to see her own faults. We are alike in that sense and that is why we butt heads rather violently when it comes down to it.

You know how people say that people fall out of love with you the same way they fell in love? Once her stubbornness was unique, something that made her brave and stood out. Now, it’s just refusal to cooperate and creates too many problems for me to be alright with it.

Her profanity and courage turned into rudeness and stupidity.

Nothing about her personality is attractive anymore.

I fell out of love and I do not regret it.

The way she talked to me felt like she only used to me to unload her emotional baggage and when she’s not emotional anymore, she would go run off to frolic in the garden with her “real” friends while I do nothing but sit there.

We have not seen each other for months because she never thought to hang out with me. If we’re really friends then she would make an effort and not sleep at 9 AM when we were supposed to hang out at 11.

It was charming at first, seeing how she’s always interested in following her own rules instead of society’s rules. But now she’s just so inconsiderate and ungrateful. I’ve done so much to help her yet I get nothing in return.

Yes, I know it’s not good to help someone for the sole purpose of having them return the favor, but I do not want to simply be used like this. She could at least do something for me other than tell me all of her “secrets” that supposedly no one knows.

I don’t need to know all of her problems when I have my own. She had no right to put her issues on top of my plate. It will just overflow and I will succumb to my depression when she gets to be light and carefree.

It is not fair and I will not tolerate it. She always only ever sits down and talks to me when she’s got something to unload and tosses me away when she’s done. A friend told me that I should be grateful of this arrangement but I am tired.

Why should I be grateful that she is open to me when she closes off the rest of the world? It is her choice and she should suffer to consequences. She is unable to listen to my advice or even understand what I’m saying because her English is terrible, leaving what I’m trying to tell her ‘useless.’

Why should I do that if anything I say fall on deaf ears because what I’m saying is not to her liking? Every drama she ever relays is always her fault from a third person view.

She often complains about her boyfriend. Why are you dating him still if he causes you so much pain? If he’s stealing your money, let him go. He’s even more of a degenerate than you are.

But then again, similar people do end up together. The only thing different about them is their gender and sex.

I will have no part in their crash and burn. I wanted out.

I got out.

She was inconsiderate to my feelings so I cut that out. She needn’t tell me that she was ‘depressed’ when I was suffering from a small bout of social anxiety. Being anxious does not help with me listening to her ramble on about how sad or pathetic her own life was when I had it worse.

She told me to ‘get a fresh start’ in the UK, yet she is unable to realize that leaving what I am familiar with is not at all relaxing. She may have wanted to flee this country to escape from her mother (who, by the way, I completely sympathize with. Her mother does not deserve such a terrible daughter) but I do not have such¬†familial issues. In fact, other than the whole thing about me being a boy, there is nothing wrong with my relationship with my parents.

I do not want to leave, but I have to due to my inability to even pass the test on my mother language.

If this were the first time that this dispute has occurred, then I would probably return to her to apologize within a few days. But she has wronged me three times already and I will not be the fool again. She will not be getting an apology from me when she herself has yet to apologize for her actions thrice before.

I do not regret what I have said to her. She does not deserve me. I will listen to her ramblings no longer.

We cannot be friends. She can suffer her own miserable little life with her shitbag of a boyfriend.

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