CASE 1 “REFLECTION”

The following transcript is taken from an interview between a doctor and his patient. The recording has been declassified for research usage. Any sensitive information has been redacted to protect the privacy of the individuals.

[REDACTED]

DOCTOR: So, can you tell me about it?

PATIENT: I don’t know how.

DOCTOR: Try. Describe it to me.

PATIENT: I don’t know. It’s… fuzzy. I hate it. This feeling.

DOCTOR: I know.

PATIENT: Sometimes… (long pause) I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize who is staring back at me.

[PAUSE]

PATIENT: I stare and… I just don’t know… (pause) who it is. The person looks familiar but I just don’t know them. Sometimes I remember, and then I just get so… (pause) upset with myself.

DOCTOR: Why is that?

PATIENT: Because… because I didn’t recognize myself.

[THERE IS SOUND OF RUSTLING, THEN THE DOCTOR CLEARS HIS THROAT]

DOCTOR: Can you tell me in detail how you feel about it?

PATIENT: Angry. I feel angry.

DOCTOR: Of course.

[PAUSE]

PATIENT: Then I feel sad. Everything I feel is like a wave that swallows me whole and drags me deeper into the sea. I can sometimes sense where my train of thought is going and…

[PAUSE]

DOCTOR: And?

[PAUSE]

PATIENT: And it’s scary.

DOCTOR: Why is that?

PATIENT: Because I know it’s not going to a good place. It… (pause) it scares me. I don’t like that.

DOCTOR: You don’t like to be scared?

PATIENT: I don’t… I don’t like myself. Sometimes I think… I think I’m better off not recognizing who I’m staring at, or who is staring back at me because it doesn’t really matter in the end.

DOCTOR: Well-

PATIENT: Nothing matters in the end. Right? Doctor [REDACTED].

DOCTOR: I can’t really-

PATIENT: It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.

[PAUSE]

DOCTOR: Is that what you’re scared of?

[THE PATIENT NODS]

PATIENT: Sometimes I wonder what is the point of all of this. I’m not getting better. I just… live life like I’m in someone else’s body.

[PAUSE]

PATIENT: Then one day everything will just stop.

END TRANSCRIPT

The patient refused to cooperate and talk after that. She did not come back for her other prepaid sessions.

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